I do

This past weekend Ryan and I marked our 12th wedding anniversary. I love to see peoples faces when I tell them I have been married that long. Their eyes get really wide, and then comes the obvious question: "HOW old ARE you? Usually said with emphasis on those words. :) Yes, I was a teenager when we got married. Engaged less than a month after high school graduation and married shortly after I turned 19. No, we did not have a shot gun wedding. :) That is usually the next question. People then often ask me why, why did I chose that path. Why get married so young if I didn't have to. How did I know that, that was the right thing? At 19... no less. Who at that age would want that? I did. In so many ways I have done most of my growing up in the time since I was married, I am just starting to become truly comfortable in my own skin and understand who I am as a person. But what I did know about myself at that age, what I longed for, was the opportunity to wake up to the same person for the rest of my life. To have that kind of consistency and stability. To feel safe and secure with someone and know that they will love me, without reservation for who I am. I knew I needed that. I know some people thought I was crazy, maybe I was. But I knew what I wanted, and to be honest it has turned out better that I could have dreamed. 

It didn't take me long to realize that Ryan was a great match for me. But it is not an obvious match. People who meet us now often ask how we ended up together, as we seem like such polar opposites. Ryan with the Ph.D. education and a vocabulary that I can barely keep up with. The academic and the theologian who loves to teach and discuss scripture and politics. Me, the "rebel" who fights against convention, has no education, loves to rock out at bars and dance, swears like a sailor, smokes cigars, wants to travel the world, constantly seeks out adventures, oh and... plaster my body with tattoos. During the day we lead very different lives, but at the end of the day my life is his and his life is mine. Ryan has allowed me to be myself and love me for it. He has never tried to make me someone I am not. He has believed in me in ways that I have never been able to. He has never doubted me or my abilities. At times I find his confidence in me to be staggering, his respect for me overwhelming. He has pushed me to new heights in so many ways and has given me the strength to do it. Loved me when I didn't deserve it. Caught me when I needed saving. Given me room to grow and space to learn and explore. It hasn't always been easy, we have walked down some dark paths, but in those paths, through the darkness, we have always found one another. Learned to depend on one another more. Realized that we are the most important people in each others lives and we better not ever take that for granted. Through the years, I have learned that marriage is more about commitment than it ever is about love. But through that commitment I have found the deepest love, the strongest love, the sweetest love.  

I am proud of a lot of my successes in life, but none more than my marriage. We have something great and powerful, something truly to be envied. I love that I can honestly say that I am more in love with him than the day we were married, more than last year, more than yesterday. And I trust that our love will continue to grow through all we encounter in life, through the next 12 years and beyond.